Parenting and the Art of Bench Press

At the risk of sounding like a complete meathead, I see a lot of similarities in parenting in general and bench pressing.

I lie down on the bench and look up at this metal bar, seems easy until I see 45-pound plates on each side. I take deep breaths, muster up all that I can. "Let me cook!" Or "If I can't lift these, zombies will catch up to me and take my family"—anything to push me to press it.

We make up imaginary stories in our heads to motivate us to lift some plates. Sounds pretty menial, but we have to create a narrative for ourselves sometimes to push through going beyond what we think is possible, despite our doubts.

You slowly bring the barbell down to your chest, now letting your pec muscles feel that movement, slow and steady, control your breathing, it’s time to stay calm before you jolt your chest and arms to press it up and down. The first few repetitions might not feel difficult because those repetitions are just a path to get to the promised land - of the muscle fatigue, the stretch and the pump. Your body feels good on the stretch, it feels really good when it’s fatigued, serotonin rushes in and that’s what we are after. There is also zen to it.

In reality, the promise land is not promised either. Once we get to the point where we are happy with how much weight we are pressing, we are not satisfied, we keep wanting to add the plates to increase the weight. Eventually, once your chest muscles start getting more defined, but suddenly it's not good enough. We keep wanting it to look more shredded or big. My wife calls this the body dysmorphia. She is right...as usual.

Bench pressing has mechanics. It has ways to do it where you get the best bang for the buck. It's the right tempo, back arc, the holding on to the stretch. Modern research says that's how we achieve hypertrophy of the muscle the most. Some say it's time under tension.

Whatever it may be, we end up pushing through the pain for those gains. When we find ourselves on a plateau where we see that neither the plates’ weights going up nor our muscle definitions, we feel tempted to try new methods.

But experienced lifters always suggest to stick with it. Bench pressing is a robust, time-tested, a versatile compound exercise, it's "Lindy". It's not only working your pectorals, it's working the shoulders, the arms, the core, and the mind. Need to stick with it.

My kids see me bench pressing often in a little corner gym I have established for myself in my garage. It's got old plates and barbell that i have gathered over the years. It's messy but it does the job. This corner also is full of my kids' drawings over the years. It's not totally organized. It's sweet but also melancholic. Where did six years go by?

I try to make it a point for my boys to see me pressing. I want them to see that their father can lift some iron up and down. They get happy and excited to see it. Perhaps they tell their friends at school that their daddy can lift more than other daddies. May not be totally accurate but I am ok with it as long as they think so.

On a serious note, I hope for them to see that keeping care of their health and body is important. This is of course not yet the promise land. Parenting is an ongoing job which requires us to press through it for them. It's been six years of consistent repetitions. Sticking with the hard and tedious job of being a parent. I get tired after work and want to sit down and stare in the void of talking heads on TV or scroll on my phone, but that was before kids. As parents, we get up and play with our kids, engage them, feed them, bathe them, sing songs to them, put them to bed. We wake up and do it all over again. It's repetitive, it can even get daunting at times, but it's hard honest work, it's joyful, it feels good, in fact it feels the best. There is no better serotonin.

Similar to the act of bench pressing, parenting involves taking deep breaths...during tantrums, staying calm under duress, and pushing the plates of food up and down when it's required. It's sometimes the stretch that will feel good - sometimes their giggles and laughters. Sometimes it's knowing that you were able to just bench your PR. Sometimes knowing that you were able to give the best moments of joy to your kids.

Most importantly, we have to remind ourselves that it's not always going to be easy to complete the repetitions and we may need help from a spotter or a friend to complete it. Parents will need help to lift each other up in moments of distress and push through when it gets tough. And we have to keep an eye out on our partners to see when they need some spotting.

Someday, I hope my boys will spot me while I try to bench and try to keep up with my aging body, and I hope that I can spot them when they look to build their growing bodies. Benching and parenting keeps going on, no matter the shoulder impingement or pain, consistent snacks or never ending play. We make adjustments and we march on. It's energizing, it's addicting, it's difficult, it's trials, it's tribulations, it's fun, and it's pressing.

The corner